LYRICS

The Royale

She likes me drinking again but I'm not so sure
I'm more fun at parties than I am with her
This self regulation is such a chore
I know I don't need it but I'm so fucking bored

It's been a rough day, let's get some cash out
I'm ready to drink until I black out
It's my favorite place to go drinking with my gal
So come on baby baby let's go to the Royale

I've plucked all the hairs off of the dog
No quick fix for this mid week slog
Beer in my hair and I look like a slob
How much do I really need this job?

It's been a rough day, let's get some cash out
I'm ready to drink until I black out
It's my favorite place to go drinking with my gal
So come on baby baby let's go to the Royale

Somethingslutty@aol.com

Summer break of 99
Got no friends, I'll go online
Put myself a little older
Watch for Mom over my shoulder

AOL Chatroom, Dial-up speed
Do I believe he's just 16?
Wanna cyber, got a pic?
First time shaving to Fat Lip

I can be anyone I want
19 year old beauty from Vermont
Never got a chance to send out pics
I'm so glad cellphones didn't exist

90s kids with nothing to do
If only my parents knew
The dirty words coming out of my mouth
Probably to a 50 year old in the south

Won't tell you my true ASL
Waiting on a Hot Pocket, might as well
Won't put you on my buddy list
Just let me cyber suck your dick

I can be anyone I want
19 year old beauty from Vermont
Never got a chance to send out pics
I'm so glad cellphones didn't exist
I'm so glad cellphones didn't exist

Who Called the Cops on the Jingleman Lounge?

Roll of duct tape and a busted PA

Bougie scum hits us with a noise complaint

 

Oh, oh no!

Who called the cops on The Jingleman Lounge?

Oh, oh no!

Who called the cops on The Jingleman Lounge?

 

Flew from Pennsylvania just to watch us play

7pm is much, much too late

Both my parents saw me giving drugs away

Pounding beers in the car on the way to Trunk Space

 

Oh, oh no!

Who called the cops on The Jingleman Lounge?

Oh, oh no!

Who called the cops on The Jingleman Lounge?

 

Yuppies peaking out behind the windowpane

Brown-nosing bozos with worms in their brains

93 dollars in fines to pay

Heard the Coronado has seen better days

OKPukin

Back into the closet with me

I make all the pretty girls puke

Less girlfriend and more drinking buddy

I make all the pretty girls puke

 

Spewing in a pint glass at Bikini Lounge

Make out sesh, graffiti underground

Fake ID and she's spinning around

Liquor won't stick and I'm Tinder-bound

 

Back into the closet with me

I make all the pretty girls puke

Less girlfriend and more drinking buddy

I make all the pretty girls puke

 

Bust my lip open on a garden bench

Cruising work wifi leaves me full of dread

Covering my eyes before I hit send

Once in a parking lot and never again

 

Back into the closet with me

I make all the pretty girls puke

Less girlfriend and more drinking buddy

I make all the pretty girls puke

Charlie

Caught it on CCTV
Oh how your ears bleed
Plugs and white noise just don't work
So you're going out to sea

Maiden trip
No doctor's script
I can't keep in touch
Concede to the fact that
everything is fucked
I'd love to anchor down
But I hate you all so much

Been fired way too many times
But have some money saved
To hoist up sails for yuppies
Out on Tempe Town Lake

Maiden trip
No doctor's script
I can't keep in touch
Concede to the fact that
everything is fucked
I'd love to anchor down
But I hate you all so much

Her Name Is PeePee

Her name is Peepee
Yeah she's so weepy
She's always crying
But I don't mind

Sitting on the couch
You know we're getting stoned
Watching too much wrestling cuz you left us all alone
Laying on the floor and staring at our phones
Waiting by the door for you to come home

Her name is Peepee
Yeah she's so sneaky
Misdirection
Stealing confections

Rotting on the couch when you leave us all alone
Booing Bobby Roode, you know we're getting stoned
Staring at the door
When are you coming home?
Come on baby boy, won't you give this dog a bone?

Her name is Peepee

Austin 420:69

Sorry mom
I'm joining the JOB squad
I've got a man I have to see about a title shot
Muscles twitch and quiver
Extinguisher delivers
Hold me underwater in the Mississippi River

Sorry boss
I can't shrug this one off
Crush a can for the working man
These actions have a cost
Corporate fucking CHUD
Steel cage from above
I'll wipe the spit off of my face with your blood

Jodi

Jodi
Why'd you roll your eyes at me?
I know I'm pretty useless
Should've left him in the streets

Forgive me My big bad admin
Should've locked myself up in the laundry room instead
Haven't had the time
To get my bootstrap fixed
Atomic elbow drop from middle management
I'll drop him at the pound
And get back to my Sims
Throw me in a kennel
Can't affords pets or kids

Jodi
I still just can't believe
You'd take the time to educate
A piece of trash like me

Forgive me My big bad admin
Should've locked myself up in the laundry room instead
Haven't had the time
To get my bootstrap fixed
Atomic elbow drop from middle management
I'll drop him at the pound
And get back to my Sims
Throw me in a kennel
Can't affords pets or kids

Are you a millennial?
Are you a millennial?

Ski Mask

Baby let's get fucked up
And find out who's to blame
The walls in their office could use some new stains
Resistant to arrest
Hey

Don't guzzle down that
Bacardi in despair
I've got a cocktail recipe that I'd like to share

Light it up downtown
And hurl it to the stars
Give a wink and nod
To passing cop cars
Kiss me through my ski mask
Ours

5-0 on his bike on the basketball court
Is not the kind of problem that we can't sort

Out with elbow grease
And a baseball bat
Swinging for the fences
Just like Cactus Jack
Kiss me through my ski mask
We can take it back

Steiner Recleiner

I used to be so flexible
I used to be so smart
I used to not need benzos to venture past my yard
I used to not drink alcohol
I used to try so hard

I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner
I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner
Please don't make me sit in the Steiner Recliner
I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner

I never did go back to school
I never see my mom
I never took my risperdal or returned my psych doc's call
I never got those bad teeth drilled
I never stay too long

I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner
I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner
Please don't make me sit in the Steiner Recliner
I don't wanna sit in the Steiner Recliner

I'd rather not brush my hair
I'd rather not get dressed
I'd rather not go anywhere
I always get so stressed
I'd rather cut off both my ears
I'd rather be upset

Mor Ranch

Pizza, chicken wings
I can dip anything
Carrot sticks, celery - MOR RANCH!

French fries, onion rings
I can dip anything
Ranch, will you marry me? MOR RANCH!

My girlfriend's clit ring
I can dip anything
Some guys ding-a-ling - MOR RANCH!

Kibbles n bits, your mom's tits
I'm gonna dip it in - MOR RANCH!

Leather shoes, dead guys too
I would dip it in - SLOW RANCH!

Cherry pie, who am I?
Fuck it, where's the ranch - MOR RANCH!

Give me a packet while you jack it
Gimme that buttermilk - MOR RANCH!

Double beef bacon patty, feelin' like a real fatty
When I'm asking for - MOR RANCH!

Hidden valley, give me a spoon
Drown me in a ranch typhoon - MOR RANCH!

Don't kid yourself or your health
All you want is - MOR RANCH!

That Was Shitty

I got drunk at a Dead to Me show
And my friend Jesse took me home
Early 20s had me "By The Throat"
Still not sure that they've let go

I hit a parked car and drove off
In the Crescent Ballroom parking lot
How the fuck did no one call the cops?
Another night spent throwing up

It was my graduation night
Another drink, another fight
Broken window, this is not alright
This is gonna kill me, Jesus Christ

Swiss Cheese Pervert

I don't really have the looks, so all I can offer you is pay
Women tend to like dairy, so I'll make this cheese my bae

Swiss cheese pervert, rollin' through my neighborhood
I wonder if the brand that he buys is any good
Holding up a cheese slice next to his junk
Swiss cheese pervert got a deli in his trunk

I've tried so many types, but swiss knows I like it best
It's eye patterns, it's textures, I'd rather have it than a woman's breast
I love the way it feels, let it be a slice or block
Let me hang out with you while I wear it around my cock

Swiss cheese pervert, rollin' through my neighborhood
I wonder if the brand that he buys is any good
Holding up a cheese slice next to his junk
Swiss cheese pervert got a deli in his trunk

I'll only eat mozzarella, I'd never eat a slice that I've screwed
Everyone always asks that, but I'm not that type of dude

Extraterrestrial Highway

Scenic route
Up past Bullhead
Fremont Street
El Cortez
Black mailbox
Mannequin head
Bomb me Nellis
Make me dead

375 northwest across Nevada
Wild years and craft root beers out in Tonopah

Freemasons
Desert days
Pink brothel
Alien babes
Clown motel
Miner's graves
UFOs
Klonopin haze

375 northwest across Nevada
Wild years and craft root beers out in Tonopah

Bullet holes
Females scream
Abandon hope
This isn't what it seems
This isn't what it seems
This isn't what it seems
This isn't what it seems
This isn't what it seems

Acid Burn

If I swallow Lego bricks
Then maybe I can call in sick
Fraud and Mormon nepotism
Pros and cons of women's prison

Rent my day
Blister my brain
Employee HSA can't soak up the acid burn

Only means for me to seize
Fresh case of epilepsy
When I trade tabs of Depakote
In for marijuana smoke

Rent my day
Blister my brain
Employee HSA can't soak up the acid burn

Workers compensation clinic
Digestion in 30 minutes
Hearing test booth, forms of payment
Warm embrace of the pavement

Stop Looking At My Cunt

You eat with your eyes first
And then with your body

Stop looking at my cunt
Stop looking at my cunt

I'm becoming my mom
And you look like your dad
So let's make some babies
And have them for lunch

Stop looking at my cunt
Stop looking at my cunt

We can all wear face masks
And white gloves on one hand
I'm already here
And I wanna meet you bare

I'm becoming my mom
And you look like your dad
So let's make some babies
And have them for lunch
Or dinner or for dessert

Stop looking at my cunt
Stop looking at my cunt
Stop looking at my cunt

It's all coming to get her now

Tough Guy Todd

Todd's got a knife and a gleam in his socket
Gonna go to the pool and cut a hole in is pocket
Touches your back and asks to sunblock it
Oh yeah baby, do you come here often?

Takes chicks on his jet ski up at the lake
Peeks into their cars when they're trying to change
Hides his intentions behind his sick shades
Handful of bikini when he goes over waves

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